I still check my hair before I see you
Still conscious of my crooked smile when talking with you
Still notice you noticing me
And still untrusting of the way you play with your hair
With baby steps you ask what I'm doing later
But your pride is a predator, which slowly corners you when we're apart
I still check my hair before I see you
But less so reply to dead end messages
(As I can now recognise those sent from the predator)
- Sleeps
The day I renounced love, I began to finally feel it.
You see, Disney fairy tales and love songs betrayed me
As beautiful and emotionally engaging they were, they ultimately led me to an unrealistic expectation of how and what I 'should' be feeling
For years I thought I was either a robot or extremely unlucky to not be able to feel what they felt.
Only ever being able to relate to songs and movies of loss and sorrow.
An alien to words and feelings described, I saw love as a transaction. A wall too hide behind for the faint and confused.
With the world being so emotionally clumsy
It's hard to trust your heart in anyone's hands.
So we guard our hearts instead of using them.
I found 'love' doesn't hurt, our ego do.
- sleeps
