Scrappy paper

Take me back

To peace. To them.

I see their face in others

Not sure if it's the heat this time... Or me

I like it though

If only they all knew how sentimental and reflective i actually am

... It's almost my little secret

My feelings. Me...

I'm my secret

Ironic thinking no one deserves me, while feeling i do not deserve anyone

- Sleeps

Invite

Invite me in
I want to fall to my knees and place my forehead to the ground in respect
The nerves. The pulse. The death of me.
But we are surrounded
But you are not here
But I do not exist
I keep composed on the surface. I’m good at that. 
But it begins to kill me inside and I begin to crack when I drink.
Thank god I’m in another country
Thanks good you can’t listen
When did a floating soul become so heavy?
Life was fun when I hated myself
The lights are bright but I’ve seen these signs before… And I know I’m about to be rejected. 
By me. 
And maybe I should be
Piece of shit like me. Robot. Selfish. 
What happens out there, kills in here
Silly boy. Big mouth. 
Dreams. No feet. 
Believing in… just believing. 
I wish I could meet me back when I was that clown
I wonder if I would relate 
To me in the past
To me in the future
Would I be my favourite drinking buddy?
Where are those people now?
I love losing count of all those I have met
No hate for one of them, just positive interaction
Guess I knew answers are impossible if you can’t formulate or articulate your questions
So I didn’t ask questions & I laughed at your answers
A fucking lie like you trying to tell a burning soul like me. How dare you. 
This anger and disdain, is it toward you or toward me?
Like religions get stuck on the metaphor, am I getting stuck on something similar?
I’m empty as all that I am pours out into words
Words I leave as clues
Clues across the globe. Across the times
And while you search for me I am busy slowly dying
The ultimate paradox I am so proud to have constructed

- Sleeps
 
 

Somg

The song they sang
The song he held a little too long
A sublime note which turned into a scream
In the absence of emotional technology
A place within which he could dream
 

Daddy

And with one word spoken by a child
I become more
I become meaningful
I become emotional
I become reflective
I become a father

What was taught

It was told only as it was thought / taught to be
The way forward or the way inward... Depends on your point of view, i suppose 
The accent found the ear & the kick drum found the hart
You found me waiting & I asked if I had spoken
I mumble so much i wouldn't hear me either
But in the loud crowd i heard your plea for help. "Get me away from these fucking people"
Your face spoke more words that you had all night
My stomach cramping from laughter, my sight distorted by the tears. Mate, I have to go, I have a duty...
Not to her, but to my fellow human as I know too well the weight of the human condition & anything i can do to help lift it would give more meaning to my life than all the songs in history.
And its all about meaning, even if only the dance around time
This movement of the body is all we have for now
My eyes follow this movement & it makes me smile a great deal as we are evolving into our self made purpose & for that i love you and love myself

- Sleeps

Gate 27

She asked if this plane was for London
This interested me... Everything is interesting 
Not necessarily the surroundings, Singapore airport, i thought, was like any other until i met him, but the hours being morphed in to journey segments, like chapters in a book i cant remember reading
No real sleep. No real designated time. Everything is momentary - even this observation.
The travel to new places would be good but i'm torn between place and person.
I do not trust the girls i meet, with fair reasoning for a moron as i've been used and ignored before... But i guess what goes around...
I've grown now and can commit to something bigger than myself, just only seeing myself doing so with that of adventure and wild sexuality.
Show me i can have faith in you
Show me you're unafraid and can handle my intensity.
Put me in my place and show me the patience of roots and home
I want this and need this but have no reason or ability if you do not.
- Sleeps 

A Place to travel... But how to return and integrate?

A place to throw your money away... To keep a memory within a plastic novelty...
I love it... $30 a drink, enforcing the experience a moment
And that's what life is... The line.
But it's sometimes like a ballon floating over a sea of spikes
Maybe its me getting older..
Simply put, I seem to feel more, but care about less
I tear up at feelings and movies become more real to me than 'life', as this 'life' have many embedded with no inspiration
So here I am in a karaoke bar alone, but with the biggest of grins
Inspired by those who are here to escape their life sat right next to those who are here to live theirs
Led by those paid to be bubbly
Paid to feel
Paid to make others feel...
Well, hey, I'd pay for attention if it didn't come with an emotional hangover
I'm sure many would and many do
Opening opportunities for the emotionally scarred to be emotionally warm
But back to me and my lack of patience