I am a simple sword

The nights adventure
The clean conscious of drinking w/ friends but moving alone
So now alone in a bar too early for the stag
The barmaid kind and warm to welcome, the manager speaking to me w/ disgust
I'm early. I have no collar. A bag and scruffy trainers
I'm here to slowly penetrate the loss.
Here to warm the miss... Then dance w/ gay guys who know how to laugh.
I am clean but intoxicated
Bold but a little nervous as I have so much to argue about and my drunken state gets rowdy with humor
Don't miss me as I am nothing.
A traveling circus too afraid to stop and depend on others excitement...
As they have none... And they call me the complicated one... Huh.
A week without becomes a new quest
A treasure that smugly moves through those trying desperately to impress.
Send him off.
Visit and smile.
Cocktail attire.
Kinky whispers.
What the fuck else would you want from me?

I have nothing else but a fight for you (so let's harm each other until we heal)

- Sleeps

Silence

3.58am
I need silence.
Quiet is no longer good enough.
I hear the fridge hum in the kitchen, my heart beat through my ear on the pillow, the 'shhh' and russell of moving my head to adjust and now suddenly I am wide awake.
Re think the day, events and my actions
Now the sound of my thoughts...
I do not remember silence
Silence of thought... I guess that's why they meditate
How easy to ruin a chance
How easy to make noise
How easy to be here
I now think of being there with out of character words and desires
To be someone else only to find it is still me, just not my pre-conceived version I thought I always would be

Am I awake?

- Sleeps

I nearly ran

Don't make eye contact
All the Brazilian crowd did was keep me from clarity
shes too tough to die, a world war and multiple strokes
She misses her partner but is at peace with this world
I'll teach you brother if only I could remember your name and to take your number.
Cuteness from afar is all she will keep, the language was a simple joke and the famous name drop was a side note
I'm too tough to die.
I'm too excited to bring down for too long.
3am still hitting the bar laughing. It's a week day and my friends are a strong night.
The wave and wind hits me through and I enjoy the sun now
Jump and fall please so I can pick you up or at least meet me on the floor.
Bruises and cuts have nothing on us so I will poke yours for fun.
I hope you do the same

- Sleeps

Fine

I remember the morning
Getting ready
I remember arguing with my mother about what I wanted to wear for the funeral
I remember staring at the floor
Being touched and spoken to by all my different friends but couldn't confirm who.
The heaviness of my head and throat I placed a note in the casket...
I'm not sure what I wrote... If I wrote anything.
A dream followed.
Despite how distant and angry I tried to be you still breezed into my room to light up and say "I love you 'E'" followed shortly by "you won't tell my mum I smoke will you"
The list to follow would take me
The list to date keeps me
"no" she replies abruptly and continues to...
I now make judgements I no longer feel the need to share
It's not fine, not for me.

- Sleeps

Float

You just float
Float above and past us
You float through us as we hurt
And float into us when u feel we no longer need you
You are a ghost
A ghost we feel we need connection to
A dead entity we feel we still need to be whole
But the death of you liberated us
The death of you gave birth to our former self
You leave us behind as dirt scrambling for glory
But this dirt gives life to roots and smirks at glory
The old gig house smelling of puke and stale beer has been close but many have found sole there. I wish you were found before I found you
You found you through loss of me so I am the loss of nothing
I love you
I forgive you
And know my plea for forgiveness is now redundant
You are sublime and to hear the voice of you thoughts would be the most enlightening rollercoster known to man

Since it missed me

Since it missed you
What I went through
Your heart lost
So did mine
I don't miss the summer time but do look forward to it
I like spring and the freshness of the tomatoes. Crisp and cool.
It's warm, not hot
I'm calm and not flustered
I don't mind sweating but awkward in work shirts or nights out when trying to impress people. I still strangely believe if the right person believed in me it would dissolve all my inner wars.
Happy and slow I play music for my home and imagine the sound and love it took to create it being absorbed into the walls.
I gave this world and people close to me destruction. This place in return gave me peace.
I postulated that if I removed the needs of me it remove the need for me
This changes in context with others until the same is applied so are wants and needs so bad?
Maybe don't change my wants and needs but instead the way I want and need them.

- Sleeps

Mr go to

Love is for free... But still costs me
(And you)
Love is for free when you need not
Like most things
These tickets are on me
The embarrassment pulls me back to her desk.
I'm not sure whether you appreciated them or me more.
I never made it easy and all were watching. The skill was playing it down.

Fell hard. So never again...
Or at least for this year.
My new years resolution will be to fall again
She's known to be reserved, annoying and weird. Her friend says she just needs to get laid... By me they point out.
Mr go to guy
Mr feel nothing
It's intimacy I lack not sex or friendship
But then is there anyway to reach it without going through either?

- Sleeps