String

Through desperation i faced up to the sky and was calmly reminded of the meaning i gave to falecity.

the double shots shielding me were a thing of the past and im left a burning man having to face these emotions.

But i don't trust my self in this state. 

I fear my need for clarification will ruin everything & the safe guard behind ambiguity is something i'm also too familiar w/

I'll sting for you if thats what you need from me… but theres only so much anyone can take and i'm afraid your lack of affection will surely eventually push my subconscious to other people.
I've never found myself to be important and slightly uncomfortable to find when others do.
If i were important to you, what should i do?

You're not the first to call me distant. I'm hoping you'll be the last.

I need to learn. I've asked to be taught before but this was too much for them so i'm simply asking for you to understand i'm learning and see mistakes will happened but rarely repeated.

I may need to see you less but call you more

I may need to see you more but do less with you

I may need your support but learn not to expect it

I may need to give you everything plus more and expect nothing but rejection in return.

I will heal

I will scar

I will dance 

I will. I will. Die inside.

- Sleeps

They took me

It took an answer
He was so calm and relaxed
No sense of threat or desperation
... It was relief that I felt and it took me a while to realise, it'd been so long since I last felt it.
He wasn't child like, but instead playful and confident
He wouldn't answer all questions, simply asked the purpose of some of them... Which made me question me and why I was asking them. Why I had once found them so important.
My colours were artificially natural to blend in but began to feel conscious
A comparison to him would be pointless.
I gave my life for something bigger than me but it was taken from me
They lay rest ill in bed. i wish them better.

- Sleeps

All I'm Good For

Love hurts and thats all it does.
My admiration for you makes you my greatest enemy
My absence from you makes me your greatest interest
Dancing soul through fields of thought, i ought to tell you... everything
so you may now hold all the power and i may crumble and destroy myself over again.
Love destroys and thats all it does.
Your fearlessness for me makes me your passing phase
Your presence pulls me out and exposes my heart to high winds
I become a stranger to myself, re-introduced to someone i left a long time ago
Someone i never enjoy seeing, i wish i were to learn more here
So why not?
Sun's morning light hits my face, soft voice hits my ears
Bruised pride and unsure direction
Love re-builds and that's all i can hope for.
The joy, the excitement, the transient hope which gives way to...
A re-formatted smile & burn just above my stomach
I cruelly am sorry no longer
You truly are awesome to me.
Slow and careful to handle
Love brings me to you.
(for which i will gladly hurt, destroy & rebuild myself for)

- Sleeps

Brilliantly stupid

A touch out of place but placed the only time it can be without risk of deep humiliation.
We bop, shift and sing on the train I laughed and laughed at your pointless questions.
The act is over and people who work here observe our misdirected walk
Fuck 'em, we're on fire and my water bottle won't put us out.
Knowing each other well we manipulate one another for what's best for each other. Idiots on a not so particular mission evolving each step.
We are.
Easy morning. Calm. Blue ocean and subtle beer.
Body tired from fighting but soul no longer in rehab.
Now the war no longer differs win or lose, it's all simply challenges and learning which is what my continuos happiness is based on...
If you can't be smart, be brilliantly stupid.

- Sleeps

Nother

This places me
So here I wonder and wonder off
Not far from mark but enough to forget
Things were good so why risk the comfort for hurt?
Place me in a hold with no breath
Hold me until I am fatigued
Holding out for affection and kind words (that will not come) my fists can close no more.
With humour and slight of hand I may still adore but placement a far my hope fell more
Does this fate end with a clown at a bar?

- Sleeps

Kiss from a cab

She blew a kiss from a cab and it flew in to my heart
That hidden moment just for me...
I could hardly (breathe) contain myself
The little affections that mean so much
The little affections so hidden from sight
Touch. Nothing to loose, every ounce of warmth to gain
Such a moment surpasses clarity and confirmation. I'm simply lucky to have experienced it and to have felt that love again.
Love, whether romantic, sexual or admiration love, the point in fact is I feel again... I feel it again.
It knocked me back into my chair and my ride home with a drunken friend was silent with thought. Silent with fascination and excitement. Silent with the noise of an exploding mind.

She blew a kiss from a cab and it flew in to my heart... And for that brief moment I felt I was a part of something.

- Sleeps

White at night

You were young and still are in several ways... But you see.
You may not see why he left you but do see how he left you because you now see how you were when he was with you.
Leave your things, you may well discuss them one day in a bar having run in to each other.
It was nice to speak with you again after all this time.
Lips more red than they should be. I do not have much to share. I may just nod and confirm everything is going well.
I had no pull to her, her face also not looking so inviting but my dreams... My dream so vivid about you. The happiness with you and affection you began to show. One of the happiest experiences I can remember.

I should stop thinking about how you'll fit in to my life and instead how you'll fit in to my heart.


- Sleeps