Invite

(You) invite me in

I want to fall to my knees and place my forehead to the ground in respect

The nerves. The pulse. The death of me.

But we are surrounded

But you are not here

But I do not exist

I keep composed on the surface. I’m good at that.

But it begins to kill me inside and I begin to crack when I drink.

Thank god I’m in another country

Thank god you can’t listen

When did a floating soul become so heavy?

Life was fun when I hated myself

The lights are bright but I’ve seen these signs before… And I know I’m about to be rejected.

By her. By me.

And maybe I should be

Piece of shit like me. Robot. Selfish.

What happens out there, kills in here

Silly boy. Big mouth.

Dreams. No feet.

Believing in… just believing.

I wish I could meet me back when I was that clown

I wonder if I would relate

To me in the past

To me in the future

Would I be my favourite drinking buddy?

Where are those people now?

I love losing count of all those I have met

No hate for one of them, just positive interaction

Guess I knew answers are impossible if you can’t formulate or articulate your questions

So I didn’t ask questions & I laughed at your answers

A fucking lie like you trying to tell a burning soul like me. How dare you.

This anger and disdain, is it toward you or toward me?

Like religions get stuck on the metaphor, am I getting stuck on something similar?

I’m empty as all that I am pours out into words

Words I leave as clues

Clues across the globe. Across the times

And while you search for me I am busy slowly dying

The ultimate paradox I am so proud to have constructed

- Sleeps

Silly boy

It must have been the outfit
Maybe the confidence and her capable nature
No, must have been his boy eyes seeing things
Must have been that moment when she didn’t back away at a given statement
Must have been that strange spark of joy and energy that came from nowhere
Must have been like her he didn’t feel fulfilled by casual sex, instead found the connection was most exciting
Maybe it was her leaning on him at the bar
The taxi ride
The topics of conversation that no one else could understand
The phone calls
The looks
The...
Must have been a thousand things which finally made him lean in and attempt to kiss her
But she turned  her face away as she didn’t want to be a silly girl
This made him feel like a silly boy
Only a boy feels joy. Men have to bear it.

- Sleeps

Invite

(You) invite me in

I want to fall to my knees and place my forehead to the ground in respect

The nerves. The pulse. The death of me.

But we are surrounded

But you are not here

But I do not exist

I keep composed on the surface. I’m good at that.

But it begins to kill me inside and I begin to crack when I drink.

Thank god I’m in another country

Thanks good you can’t listen

When did a floating soul become so heavy?

Life was fun when I hated myself

The lights are bright but I’ve seen these signs before… And I know I’m about to be rejected.

By her. By me.

And maybe I should be

Piece of shit like me. Robot. Selfish.

What happens out there, kills in here

Silly boy. Big mouth.

Dreams. No feet.

Believing in… just believing.

I wish I could meet me back when I was that clown

I wonder if I would relate

To me in the past

To me in the future

Would I be my favourite drinking buddy?

Where are those people now?

I love losing count of all those I have met

No hate for one of them, just positive interaction

Guess I knew answers are impossible if you can’t formulate or articulate your questions

So I didn’t ask questions & I laughed at your answers

A fucking lie like you trying to tell a burning soul like me. How dare you.

This anger and disdain, is it toward you or toward me?

Like religions get stuck on the metaphor, am I getting stuck on something similar?

I’m empty as all that I am pours out into words

Words I leave as clues

Clues across the globe. Across the times

And while you search for me I am busy slowly dying

The ultimate paradox I am so proud to have constructed

- Sleeps

Pedestal

They look at each other
One of them just stepped off the pedestal but they’re not sure who
So they’re not sure what to say...
He kicks the pedestal over and smiles
They both laugh
She stands up the pedestal and invites him up to stand
As he proceeds to climb the pedestal, she shoves him aside and jumps up
She then strikes a pose and sticks out her tongue
After a moment of admiration she steps down and it hurts him to see.
They swap places
He poses. He pauses. He looks down and realised if she were to kick the pedestal he would fall and it would hurt too
He steps down, kicks over the pedestal and smiles
They both laugh.
After a while he then realised he is miserable
He pulls a gun to his head
Just to do it
Just to feel the cold steel
He realises she has done so too
One of them did so first but they’re not sure who
She drops and kicks away the gun and smiles
They both laugh
He  picks up her gun and invites her to use it
She is not sure if he’s serious...

The long walk

A distant wall
I try talking to it. A week passes. The home no longer stands.
I tap. I wait. I leave. I walk
Through the cool evening. I walk so slowly the people don’t realise I’m passing by
I was alone and happy
I am not alone now so sad
I think of you but hate the surface talk
I wonder which of our steps made us slip in to the depths of the lake
I wonder what changed when I saw you wet
When I heard your lone voice without it drowning through the noise of others
We could leave the kids to squabble and learn how to interact with each other
We could scream into the night
We could sit in silence
We could dry each other off slowly
... Or we could jump back in to the lake

- Sleeps

Context

The language of our soul has no concept of context.
I have found.
No intent, just resonance.
The most content and/or invigorating.
I pull these words out of context and you with them
In a time where the dominant philosophy is romanticism
Which has a higher importance than love itself
You asked me if it was enough
...
It is not
...
I’m not sure I ever intended it to be.
As I lift these words, I lift myself too out of context
To play as a soul
And as I recover mine
I realise
I miss you

- Sleeps

If this were us...

A journey
Air into the lungs
Back seat
Under cover
Hands held. To dance. To move. Just to hold.
A joke. That all smile and all contribute to, whether butt or architect
Caring more for each other than ourselves.
Tomorrow we could die and that’s a humorous predicament to us all
For that, none of us can be “trusted”
But who needs trust in a totalitarian paradigm?
Just do as you’re told, as peace is more important than freedom. More important than truth.
Venturing the cold as a choice
Remaining sober as a choice
Being high on life as a result

... Because life is simply the game you choose to play

- Sleeps

The painter

The canvas and page trends to see more of the soul than a confession booth
And on that canvas, I saw the devil
Almost passed it by
Subtle and distilled
Knowing a whisper is loader than a preacher, all it took was for the king to look the wrong way for a moment
And with eight minutes, my peace remain...
(The one have to me, the other have to others)

But post this moment, an old lady grabs wrist and says 'don't let go'
She was imposing and demanding... But also afraid
I couldn't stay and through specific movement of the arm, could easily release the grip.

The painter stopped me from passing and proceeded to lecture me on my ignorance asking with others who passed his work without detailed inspection of it.
I stopped, listened politely and agreed so much beauty in the world goes unrecognised
Infact anything you chose to focus on could share it's unique history... Even down to each brick of this city...
But I couldn't give a shit about his beauty, especially considering his goal of selling it.

- Sleeps

Wore

He wore it for the thousands... He said.
So I came out to research this crowd.
I'm in a familiar City but all my friends are either out of town or I am forbidden to see.
Forbidden to see someone who brings so much joy. So much excitement. So much connection.
Hahahah can you imagine... Being forbidden
Sacrilege in this day and age
Born ahead of this century... So how do we make this work?
Could we make this work?
Should we make this work?
Because my head sways through states of mind
Almost like I'm tripping and begin to observe myself as a creature.

Sometimes you don't realise how happy you are
Sometimes you don't realise how happy you can be
Sometimes you realise meaning surpasses happiness
.. And sometimes you just want to watch the world burn as fire kills disease

I love who I am
I am excited for who I can be
I fondly look back on who I was...

I'm also interested in the moment people learn that ultimate freedom means ultimate responsibility.

- Sleeps

A Hero Dies

You taught me that my dark was not to be ashamed of, but instead to be explored
Expressed through means for which i had no skill nor any business being in
you taught me it wasn't a matter of being skilled, instead a matter of being
I then began to be
The deeper i went the higher i grew
The liars, the posers, the adored slowly began to be less relevant and even an absurd use of time
From a boy day dreaming of meteor shows, to a man standing alone.
Understanding death more than he did life.
Life, an essence of 'love', which is probably why no one could understand or explain it.
He just saw the decaying nature of it. The endless war and promise of death.
So he promised death to all those he touched.
And through their re-birth they could maybe hold hands and talk with each other.
Now they were finally free to...
Now they were finally free of...
themselves.

You taught me, that search and destroy was a beautiful thing, not a militant one.
Continuously destroying oneself. The most creative approach to life.

Countless other learnings... but today you taught me out of all current issues, from tribalism to racism, the biggest issue facing todays society is... white men

A hero didn't just die... i did too.

Hit

Hit me
Hit me!
Beat the fear out of me
Beat the weakness and lethargic tendencies
Bruise and strike my ego until its cowardice is shown and revealed for all to see

You will finally see me, but may not know myself to introduce myself

- Sleeps

Cc

I don't like to talk to people. I prefer to write.
People are stupid
And if they're not stupid they're cowards

Better

I love you (you're awesome)
But know you're going through trouble and truely sorry for having been a part of that
You don't need to apologise at all
We can remain close or never speak again
And if you need to crush and throw me away
That's fine, but please don't do it in my face
I may not deserve much, but I deserve better than that

You can begin to speak their language, I understand how important it can be to do so
But I just can't. Not anymore.

- Sleeps

Q

Ask me the questions no one else does
As basic as they may seem
I may need time
To think
To answer
To know

I was in a lucid dream
I can't remember what it was about but do remember being aware that I was aware I was in a dream
Perhaps I took the attitude that it simply be another state of being

... Ah pleasantries, the Trojan horse of phoney relationships

Safety will be the death of us

Paid to be bubbly
Paid to feel
Paid to make others feel
Well, hey, I'd pay for attention if it didn't come with an emotional hangover
I'm sure many would and many do
Opening opportunities for the emotionally scared
To feel adored
But safe
But safe
But safety will be the death of us

- Sleeps

Karaoke Smile

A place to throw your money away and keep rubbish for novelty...
I love it.
$30 a drink. A place to experience a moment
And that's what life is
But it's sometimes like a ballon floating over spikes.
Maybe it's me getting older or movies becoming more real but (I) tear up at moments
Tear up at feelings
... (Maybe) I simply feel more
... And care less.
So here I am in a karaoke bar, alone
... But with the biggest grin

Seek

I thought I saw you
But you were hiding
Hiding behind your glasses
Glasses to see me better
And since you were insisting the surface, I played the usual game, which so easily fools people.
People like you.

I thought I saw you
In a moment where you were surprised at my comment and dared to agree
But we were all drunk and the dance floor was the place to be
And since we were ignoring each other, I danced alone in the crowd, which easily keeps people away.
People like me.

I thought I saw you
It took a whole night of discussion
I fooled my ego and danced away the hope since people don't really see people anymore and I'm a fucking idiot to believe they ever will
We're too busy being comfortable cowards

I didn't ask for the moon,
I didn't even ask for you
I was simply in awe of a singular real moment
A moment with you
You and not what your ego or anyone elses had defined or in mind
So I left mine

-

Does it feel too much?
So try numb everything...
And does it get too close, you find you stand out in rain?
Does it hurt too much the pride and joy of opening?
So burn everything.

-

I've been there. If you want to, go ahead
Watch the flames, they're always so beautiful when watched alone...

But it still hurts when you burn someone else's past.

- Sleeps

Hella

Be careful what you ask
You might just get the truth

- Sleeps

("You're a lie...
And if you really are hella I have a sword here that can kill Gods" - Senua)

God's trick and the Devil's reveal (Work in progress)

1. Happiness is the conscious act of making a choice. To an extent, what you chose is not important, instead the making of the choice itself.

2. You will suffer in some form or another but making a choice will bring purpose to such suffering and allow you to withstand a great deal of it. In other words, choose your sacrifice.

3. The Devil does the things he does because he loves God, but then the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't God. That dual face, the seemingly opposing forces gives rise to purpose.

4. Much like Ying and Yang are part of the same circle, there is the God in the Devil and the Devil in God. Purpose and Truth exists only when you dance the line in which they meet.

5. Truth is the finest way to execute choice... Which brings us closed circle to point one above.

Defibrillation

I'm discussing visions of full circle capability
The call begins automatically
I look back to investigate the unfamiliar voice in the room
I see you
I'm electrocuted
Struck and held in a stupid grin
Stupid grin
Stupid heart
Stupid mind
Stupid. Stop looking. You're pathetic. You're embarrassing. You're a mistake.
Took a moment to realise my heart was racing
Am I in defence? Should I be here? Should I be serious or should I make my excuse and run?

This flood of emotions

When my ego was done I paused to smile again and simply be thankful for the joy I was feeling to see you again. For that moment, I was in the moment. If not with you, for you.

The chaos of potential

A good world will manifest from the chaos of potential if we aim for love and are guided by reason
BUT
Hearts WILL have to break, as we are weak and afraid to hurt
AND
Minds WILL have to bend, as we are ignorant and get nauseous with change
OR
A good world will manifest from the chaos of potential if we live with love and speak the truth (logos)
BUT
Hearts WILL have to break, as we are weak and afraid to hurt
AND
Minds WILL have to bend, as we are ignorant and get nauseous with change

My only problem is having a clear understanding of what "good" or "love" is.

Then comes value. More accurately, what I value.
If I value 'real' moments and interactions and know they are rare, then what the fuck do I do with the rest of my time?

- Sleeps

Warm feet

Warm feet, cold heart
It's so hard to live when we so easily die with others
So much time observing others for defence, we forget to simply observe ourselves
Our ego is the bigger threat to us without a doubt.

"A state of detachment, which contains a little bit of resistance" is to lead a happy or at least content life.
I am thankful his ripple has touched me.
I search and yearn for this level of profound conversation in friends, but yet to find.

Thought I may have found one to at least listen. Until I woke to find Todd looking in my mirror.

You are a hero to me
To warm your feet would be an act of adoration
To have shared a piece of me was a privilege
To have experienced who you actually are was an honour

- Sleeps

Taxi drivers

I watched a dog die today
A Yelp. A loud crack sound.
I dropped my bags and ran back to the road.
Serval small streams and a pool of blood
It's leg was shaking
The Old man feel to his knees. Crying. Trying to see if the dog was still there.
I touched his shoulder in shock. Wondering if I could call something... Someone
Ambulance. Police?
Who do you call when your dog is slowly dying?
The dog stopped shaking. The man broke down.
I ran to get a sheet or blanket. I returned with a towel.
The man still on his knees was stroking the dog as if to ease it's fear. But it was dead. He kept stroking.
I walked to where the old man has dropped his leash. Picked it up. Coiled it gentle and with respect handed it to him.
The man placed his dog in the towel and folded it over. Picked it up and walked off.
Another stranger who had just arrived walked with him, hand on shoulder.
I wanted to walk with him but felt another would be a crowd.

And all the while, just stood there..
I fucking hate taxi drivers

Cold feet

Cold feet, warm heart
So many planes yet never took flight like this before
Not trying to disrupt, but not trying to land
This has all been theory until now

- Sleeps