Seems years since i cried last
My body and emotions almost confused as to what was happening
My past and regimented mental conditioning has taken me from the sentimental boy i once was to the balanced calm, zen, some may say robot like character i am today when it comes to attempting to feel anything out side of simply 'OK'
My misfortunes had nothing on me and was proud to have the strength and composure to always be able to put them into perspective
Fundamental detachment. A monk would be proud.
I guess i've come to the subconscious belief that any misfortune or pain in my life is of little consequence since I am fundamentally meaningless. Just a small explorative part of the collective consciousness.
So here i sat in my sphere of 'fine'...
But nothing prepared me for her... Her.
Neither today nor over 15 years ago when we first met
... And to just recall when we first met.
You were almost confused as to my random comment
"Cheer up, it might never happen"... How fucking little did i know
I wish I could take on your pain
Hold your griefs while you joyfully flutter through your days
While you travel and meet new people or simple sit to eat cheese on toast
I wish I could hurt instead of you
I feel upset and angry that I am OK and you are not
