Directional rock

I had her
On my arm
She hugged and clung
She could fall asleep on my shoulder
She would fall and fall
She would climb the rock that was me but not all the way
She would never climb all the way. Maybe it was the height. Maybe the dangerous fall.
Not a playful child, rather a sturdy place to sit.

I wake, slowly crack back and neck stone on stone.
Now clay when I see her. A subtle hint of hurt as she does not look this way.
Maybe she is too nervous to
Maybe she does not want to risk me seeing her look this way
Maybe looking this way has not even crossed her mind...
But I love waiting all the same. It's the only way I feel I feel in this way these days

Takes me back to waiting to wave. What interesting days they were :)

- Sleeps

Wait and dance

I waited and waited but you were a no show... Gutted
We WERE the party bus and I confused at her reasoning for making such a strange advance.
It's either love me or hate me nothing in-between she said. I just don't believe the things you do.
One never came
One was looking for what use to be
One stalked and clung
One shied but defined the difference between elegance and warmth.
I love my life and have become to love my death... As it's not all that bad not having what you want.

Ps I love you too


- Sleeps

I wonder many people minds are drifting. Drifting away from this moment in time.
Into our thoughts or in to our day. Into my fingers.
I only like drinking with certain people... Some of which are friends.
I like that voice. I like when my mind takes the time to take it's time. I feel calm.

The responsibility of an unfinished, un-adhered to process annoys me. Anything to save them money right?

Cunt stole my time - again!

- Sleeps

Pulse

There's a train that travels out to a place I never go.
The train passes over a road which holds gloriously deep purple trees.
The movement and speed of the train only gives you 2 seconds of visibility. 2 seconds of colour that engulfs the whole journey.


- Sleeps

White beer

It was so loud I couldn't hear myself which I liked
And the random exclusiveness of the free booze left me in silent trouble... For which I have actually been bad. So blaze is what has come across as comfortable... So these spiral stairs will set the stage for who can ignore who the most.
Fuck this and late night for naughty secrets.
I like the place on my own

- Sleeps

This old guitar

This old guitar
Pulls my heart
And I last
She asks no longer
And I am stronger
For not replying


- Sleeps

Suck balls

Work can suck balls
This time last year I was dating a married woman... I never knew that but funny to find
The girl now dancing is the one I'd make a fool of myself over yet the man she's obsessing over is looking away in discomfort. She's going to pounce hahaha
Funny they're more perfect the further away they get... Like stars, cities and quantum phenomenon.
Wish I was dead or died every exception of my life

- Sleeps

Jodie

Beautiful day i must display my heart outside
Friends coming round i face clouds which my chest absorb.
She likes you because u give her kisses.

Your the perfect match for me
Shame I'm not the perfect match for you.
I drink through day as these girls bore me
Yeah yeah mate I'm all good just work init
Let's get the shots and everyones laughing until I carry on and on and on...

Jodi why don't u date anyone that smiles?


- Sleeps

Novelast

It's a novelty
She screams the words. She wants a pat on the head.
They look at me as if I'm invading their dream... Or just a stranger who took a shit in their toilet.
I have no love for these types of people anymore... Just grown up I suppose.
Lack of change the barmaid gave me a beer on discount. I'll share more w you than I would my mum.
I love this local ale it calms my senses into giggles and these idiots make me giggle hard. A couple more comments and I don't think I could hold my Tongue anylonger. Man I love the death of me in their eyes - it tells me I'm doing something right


- Sleeps

Ghost

Sometimes I feel like I was built to be alone.
The joy I find within myself is... Strange.
She wants to get to know me and says she really likes me. Tacky, but the only place we can be to explore each other, in a car on a dark street after hours talking about our mothers.

The long waters with building a home and sexual references on the mind gives a fire to paralize my future further.

I'd love discuss and execute our emotional future in a business meeting but you would probably turn up late and unprapared with last years notes to find me brainstorming with clouds of thunder and sound, sampling your voice knowing full well I'll probably never hear a newly constructed centance from you again.

Ive never liked this... But possibly twistedly enjoyed it?
Depite this the insanity check is daily because I'd hate to be ok.
I know there's a way through this with me... But must ask you to play devils advocote and question if there's any point in doing so.

More me no

I let out a sigh
As she feels it's time
For her heart to forget mine
To lose daily, is the way some say we may be. Loose in the tree.
But I'm not sure they beleive in me who'd run to come and save me?
As last night there was almost no more me. It would be no real loss or tragedy as I've lived within others and they've lived within me and think I'm fairly content with having been.


- Sleeps

A letter to Granddad

i heard you're not doing too well
it's a strange feeling when they confirm you dont have forever here
already sad to think i wont be able to interactive with you.
Everyone has a minimal few in their life who really contribute to their personality
i'm very happy to say you've contributed a great deal to mine, which in turn has fundamentaly helped define me.
I think the biggest part of me that you gave and taught me was the humour.
Not just the darker side of it but the depth of it.
Humour's not just about laughing or making others laugh. it's about understanding and excepting certain things.
Like getting burnt hahaaha

Eating shedded wheat on a dinner plate with hot milk will always take me back to your kitchen and watching you patiently awaiting the milk to be ready for me.
you stood behind me when Candice died. i was sat on the curb for who knows how long but you stood there until i was ready. You then sat me down with a large glass of whiskey and never said a word. i liked that. i really liked that.
i cant articulate but i took a lot from that
you never tried to be - you simple were. And i need that. i really needed that.

I hope i can oneday have a family so i can tell them about you... In the straightest of lights, my granddad.

Make up

She called me a prick for not making a move on her.
She doesn't want me she just wants me on the list of those she's rejected and pushed away.
She's getting prettier by the minute. Make up's an amazing thing.
The day they invent make up for the soul I will kill myself.

Hightened emotions and anger management. The nature of the natural has been forgotten and I'm stupidily trying to look at the most "appropriate" time to revert.

Pace

I was walking the stairs behind a slower pace guy and getting annoyed at the idiot.
What was his problem hasn't he got anywhere to be!?
We reach the top and I can finally make my own pace.
I then stop and had to ask myself what the hell my problem is.


- Sleeps

enjoyment.focus.reason.

enjoyment.focus.reason.
i could go mad in this room.
I see myself talking to myself for hours.
This empty room. i don't speak aloud as i'm not keen on the slight echoed sound.
rocking in a stable chair.
rehearsing my goodbyes to those i like and have done good for me.
Its so intriguing to see myself interested in people. the expressions that switch on when i see them. i acknowledge it and even feel it i think. but the doubt nulls the emotion. so i suppose thats my next victim…. or perhaps i'm just waiting for the happiness to be my own.
The child my own creation.
the relationship my own struggle.
The life my own victory.
People seem to find life hard but relationships relatively easy
i'm just the opposite. life's the easy part. but on quiet reflection as much as i'm hesitant to admit… i have relations. and i owe them more that my life is worth.
Todd Mckenzie once said - "The only advantage of being smart is that you can act dumb"
I'm beginning to think cowards act dumb.
As much as you think you know more than others does not change the fact that you're afraid you will be alone for being you.

Blame

If everyone were perfect there'd be no such thing as relationships.
I love it when my heart beats.
In retrospect I think the leaps of progression were made when...
Well let me put it this way:
You don't seem to take responsibility for what you've done for the purposes of reconsiliation or progression but instead what you are very good at and focused on is blaming yourself for things you've done. For the purposes of what, you should ask. Or should you ask...? Self pity? Self destruction or 'hatred'? Ah man the word 'hatred' is a whole other matter hahaha.
It takes a long time to see the pointlessness in blame. It's shocking to the point of smiling how irrelivant blame is when you commit to a positive, constructive life.

"Don't forgive and forget, except and move on" - regardless of whether it takes you away or toward those you were to blame

So in this sense I suppose the word 'blame' could be used to the describe the masochistic tendencies of a person regardless of whether it's self blame or pointing the finger at others it still only damages yourself.


- Sleeps

Death to your kingdom

Things are never perfect. Nor the way I'd like them to be. And it really really does hurt to care for people sometimes.
The closer I get the more I realized why I had once run away. But I whispered a promise to you in a noisy world and pledged my duty. No other task is more important to me anymore.

You have not forgotten how to love yourself you simply don't know how to. And all those wise words which held me back were the most ingenious defences I've seen in a person. And I thought I was clever. So the mother has died and so may the child (but what of the child's child?). You can always change your name to create another step between you and people but only at great risk of further confusion to yourself. I want you to know there's more out there. I've seen it. First hand I've seen it. So much more.

Once was, now am

You know where you end up when taking the usual steps. It's up to you to whether or not you do... Even if it means standing in the same place for a while before taking an alternative.

I personally have violent and aggressive tendancies toward that thing that calls itself "myself" so it no longer dares to send panic attacks my way. A necessary evil toward it and myself to stop allowing it to hurt others and my actual self.

I scan the crowd wondering how you could dissapear so easy.

I brought Death to my Kingdom and from the ashes and corpse's grew a purified experience and thoughts. My perception and decisions brought me... Away from there.

I'm not a blunt instrument. I know where I ended up allowing things out of my control to get to me and will not allow it again.

- Sleeps

Reception

He felt kind of empty when she said they hardly knew each other as he always thought she knew him better than anyone else in the world... So what does that say about him?

His ideas of love either matured or dulled. He still deeply beleived in it just thought being in love was infactuation when love itself was based on a profound friendship along with duty.

But he's glad this place is noisy as hell. He couldn't take listening to any of them so fuck it walk the long route home and wave his hand like a wand.

He wishes he could connect with her... But the reception is shit

- Sleeps

metallic skin and soft claws

the sunlight reflects, warms my skin and burns my heart
i slip into this obsessive creature and forget all others around me
i know too many words will shut you down
i know starvation will cause bite marks on my arm
... I eventually give up inside and my soul speaks for itself. i am not fluent in its language but sure it is urging its love
i like our dirty history, it gives us grit. metallic skin and soft claws
i shake my head and try to forget it, got work to do...
i do not wish for anything anymore, just smile and feel privileged to see you

Smoothness kills so I shall die

The smoothness of her skin made him giggle. The only thing that made sense was that they were nonsense...
A call to action gave a heavy soul a lift and we laughed for ages
Man fuck these people and our expectations of ourselves the only time I've been happy is to kill all needs from my life. She and he were just two of them. I could grab the sky If only the murder stopped grabbing me...


- Sleeps

Hark

Those clouds are dark!
But they're yet to come
Your hand on heart
Your screaming next to some
Ow run ow run ow none
Ow no one

Gal angel, hark!
But they're yet to shun
Their hand on heart
He's dreaming when it comes
Ow run ow run ow none
Ow no one


- Sleeps

Between Moments

He found love between the moments.
Which was difficult around people, especially those contantly rushing to the next. Not that we could sit still for very long, infact it was quite rare he did. He'd never rush moments but sure never settled for a minimal amount. For years he laughed of the comments of place and space. Never felt the need to justify since he never saw insight came with the prompted way of engagement. But between moments were lonely as no one ever ventured there. He wasn't sure whether he needed to search or to invite...


- Sleeps