Metal bird

I try to be a simple guy.
But not sure my mind will allow me

Things are always so beautiful from afar
Like a nervous system
Lit up and glowing into the dark fabric of matter
We circle and glide down to earth like an industrial, metalic, but majestic bird
At first smooth and slow, to then swoop closer to the chaotic nature of the earth.
I imagined myself as a pedestrian and how insignificant I'd become not knowing anything of the ineffable experiences above the clouds.
My journey, not so much of distance, but of mind... Or lack there of.
I recall my youth and how I would gaze into material things and extract philosophy and meaning.
These days finding nothingness and peace.
These days interaction on auto pilot
These days replacing thought with chatter
These days... Could be days of the past or future or stuck on loop... I wouldn't know if there were not a calendar view next to the email tab.
When the fuck am I going to start doing something of meaning again?

- Sleeps

Sat night

A dark place to come and find things you don't want
A late night to consciously look for dreams.
I don't know why
                            We operate in mazes
Some of us just like stairs.

- Sleeps

Stratosphere

Things are slipping deeper
It's the drink. It's the lack of interaction
How do you remain anonymous without drawing attention these days?
anonymous bars, anonymous currency, anonymous land...
then who do you become?
Yourself or your ego?
If we all had to explain ourselves we'd either all be confused...
Or all be clarified

...But there's no direction, just vectors.
People. Memories. Movement.
Some strive to move 'up' and find themselves lost when gravity losses its grip.

- Sleeps

Lean

Lean on me
as you're no good with words
Contact me where no one can see
Swim with me and play
I play for death
It's a game of who cares less (from each other)
The less you care for your loss, the more you win
Pass the stairs. Pass what's not
There by the new space

-

Send hate and i'll react
because I lost my sense of humour
because I got use to comfort
because I moved closer to sales
because I'm afraid to lose
because prepping for success was more important than being successful
("...care more about being right than being affective")

Send love and I won't rect
because I feel I'm the only one who can
because I don't believe you
because I always want other things
because I feel I don't exist

- Sleeps

Indie

Actress' love ache... Or something like that.

Ow, light

Ow, darkness of my night

Gripping me, pulling me to a place or person i can metaphorically touch

Am i looking for you or am i simply looking for me here... In this place

A waste of my time. A waste of my energy. 

I piss away my talents and my thoughts. I drink them away as they hurt and frustrate me.

For lack of clarity or use in this life

Either my articulation fails or their understanding lacks

We're back to banging pots. Back to instrumentals.

Ow, sound

When all else  fails, you soothe 

I call out, but no echo

I reach, but no touch

I grind, I roll, I work, I distract... I do not express

I mask, I squander, I pretend, I have forgotten. Who. I. Am.

--

"if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything"... Or something like that

I shall structure

I shall schedule

I shall study Henry Rollins again and sharpen my mind and body

I shall study Jordan Peterson more to help me criticise my thoughts

I shall be consistent 

I shall define objectives and time lines

I shall be strong and determined even with undermined people around me

I shall find and spend more time with people that inspire me

I shall stop with the alcohol, I shall trip instead.

I shall disassociate first to become someone once again

- Sleeps