Invite

(You) invite me in

I want to fall to my knees and place my forehead to the ground in respect

The nerves. The pulse. The death of me.

But we are surrounded

But you are not here

But I do not exist

I keep composed on the surface. I’m good at that.

But it begins to kill me inside and I begin to crack when I drink.

Thank god I’m in another country

Thank god you can’t listen

When did a floating soul become so heavy?

Life was fun when I hated myself

The lights are bright but I’ve seen these signs before… And I know I’m about to be rejected.

By her. By me.

And maybe I should be

Piece of shit like me. Robot. Selfish.

What happens out there, kills in here

Silly boy. Big mouth.

Dreams. No feet.

Believing in… just believing.

I wish I could meet me back when I was that clown

I wonder if I would relate

To me in the past

To me in the future

Would I be my favourite drinking buddy?

Where are those people now?

I love losing count of all those I have met

No hate for one of them, just positive interaction

Guess I knew answers are impossible if you can’t formulate or articulate your questions

So I didn’t ask questions & I laughed at your answers

A fucking lie like you trying to tell a burning soul like me. How dare you.

This anger and disdain, is it toward you or toward me?

Like religions get stuck on the metaphor, am I getting stuck on something similar?

I’m empty as all that I am pours out into words

Words I leave as clues

Clues across the globe. Across the times

And while you search for me I am busy slowly dying

The ultimate paradox I am so proud to have constructed

- Sleeps

Silly boy

It must have been the outfit
Maybe the confidence and her capable nature
No, must have been his boy eyes seeing things
Must have been that moment when she didn’t back away at a given statement
Must have been that strange spark of joy and energy that came from nowhere
Must have been like her he didn’t feel fulfilled by casual sex, instead found the connection was most exciting
Maybe it was her leaning on him at the bar
The taxi ride
The topics of conversation that no one else could understand
The phone calls
The looks
The...
Must have been a thousand things which finally made him lean in and attempt to kiss her
But she turned  her face away as she didn’t want to be a silly girl
This made him feel like a silly boy
Only a boy feels joy. Men have to bear it.

- Sleeps

Invite

(You) invite me in

I want to fall to my knees and place my forehead to the ground in respect

The nerves. The pulse. The death of me.

But we are surrounded

But you are not here

But I do not exist

I keep composed on the surface. I’m good at that.

But it begins to kill me inside and I begin to crack when I drink.

Thank god I’m in another country

Thanks good you can’t listen

When did a floating soul become so heavy?

Life was fun when I hated myself

The lights are bright but I’ve seen these signs before… And I know I’m about to be rejected.

By her. By me.

And maybe I should be

Piece of shit like me. Robot. Selfish.

What happens out there, kills in here

Silly boy. Big mouth.

Dreams. No feet.

Believing in… just believing.

I wish I could meet me back when I was that clown

I wonder if I would relate

To me in the past

To me in the future

Would I be my favourite drinking buddy?

Where are those people now?

I love losing count of all those I have met

No hate for one of them, just positive interaction

Guess I knew answers are impossible if you can’t formulate or articulate your questions

So I didn’t ask questions & I laughed at your answers

A fucking lie like you trying to tell a burning soul like me. How dare you.

This anger and disdain, is it toward you or toward me?

Like religions get stuck on the metaphor, am I getting stuck on something similar?

I’m empty as all that I am pours out into words

Words I leave as clues

Clues across the globe. Across the times

And while you search for me I am busy slowly dying

The ultimate paradox I am so proud to have constructed

- Sleeps