Gate

Please don't ask me to open up fully
I don't exactly know what it means to
Besides experience has shown me to keep some things to myself.
It's only the songs and movies that tell us otherwise.
The same songs and movies that gave us such high expectations we rejected anything else.
I fear if I open the flood gates you will wash away... And worst, I won't even notice until I'm empty and can no longer see you near.
-
But you're already empty
The floor gates hold nothing but rocks and boulders.
You need to let them go.
Fill yourself with clean fresh water
Keep it safe, the clear water is precious in these times and all times.
Still climb mountains and dive dark sea's, you will be encouraged to
But come home or at least take a little with you.


- Sleeps

Player

I'm not a player
I'm just a stupid bloke on booze
And tomorrow i'll feel a lot more confused
About these actions and these words spoken with you
'Cause i'm a lost cause and not sure what to do
So call a taxi, girl
Before i get touchy feely, not in a sleazy way!
It's just your affection I crave
I feel ashamed at my dependance on you
And ashamed at my alternate view
You see it's easy to try pull your friend instead of you
Because rejection is easy when it's not from you

- Sleeps

Flake

A winter in the park 

I left quietly, didn't want anyone to know i was meeting her after dark

It all started as just a laugh

But then pretty soon became an integral part of my heart

She said 'I warmed you before, I can warm your heart again'

No courage to face my eyes she used an electronic pen

But it's too late i'm out now

Being clown for the crowd loud

I'd die happy sharing my feelings but way too proud

So have we not been this place before?

Truth is i'm not too sure 'cause we're both way too quick to head for the door 

I dont know what happened before - i get my cronology confused & every attempt to make sense your ego gets bruised 

Only ever tried to make amends 

But these days you only ever speak to me when youre in between boyfriends

Which results in all those messages i dont send

So i keep my mind busy on the weekends

Go for a surf or just chat shit w/ my friends 

Until another avoided day comes to an end

The hurt tries to resurface but nowadays it justs blends in

To the day to day i hope that one day i could somehow feel again 

And be connected to... to a not so distant mind set

See i bet you can stop your heart fluttering

I bet you tell your fella you're not suffering

I bet you couldnt share with an empty room where you mothers been

And i bet i could tell you to fuck off nowadays without stuttering

So tell me where's all this love been hiding?

And what's all this emotion keeping us crying?

I should've said goodbye

should've done so years ago 

but still to this day you're my only hero!

So from a superman to a zero, i know thats my doing

But constantly pursuing... A death to my kingdom 

So death to my kingdom

May the palace be empty and a deep burn for anyone who loves me

...

So wake up!

All i'm good for is entertainment

And deluding myself thinking that the day would come

5am skyping anyone who will have me 

As so far sleep's done absolutely nothing for me

So you're bored of me? still adore me!

And anything about me, 

Words, pictures, captured motion, act like you cant live without me

It seems how i justify my life is the extent of your interest

Until oneday this warrior will gracefully end the conquest

And possibly lay this heart to rest and ease his burning flesh

Stop denying this life may be a mess

A challenge i confess, with documented steps, anything more is just simply no of your business

- Sleeps

The importance of promise

I'm not sure anyone in my life has promised me anything.
It's funny how lack of a promise can make you feel vulnerable, forcing you to fend for yourself.
Those who know me know I never promise. I take them seriously and that's a lot of duty for a boy.
Growing older I wish I had made more promises. I wish I still kept them and could think back to any I broke and why.
Now with the growing need for meaning and relation I dabble in promise. I start with simple things. Things that would seem trivial and arbitrary to those in my life but unknown to them are the biggest and most important things to me.

I could only make a promise to someone I trust, which is odd since I'd be the one to be held accountable, but then if someone I trust has influenced or requested a promise, I do trust it is for the best.

A man needs a code... 'morals'... Something to dedicate himself to.
This defines the man.
But it all means nothing if he does not exercise or place them into practice.
Another shade to add to the color of our depth.
This defines the individual.

- Sleeps

Skin

"You lost it!"
It's ok, I can always try and get it back... If I want to.
The monsters in the head are now but play mates so no urgencies here.
Just a calm approach to destruction and fear.
Competitive banta dies away to a down to earth conversation about who we are. Money is passed, signature signed.
I have interest for you.
You remind me of what I was once after and so infatuated with.
Legs exposed but responsibility weighted in my background I shall only pursue something true with you. So warm palm will heat the distance you feel and I extend my arm in offer to bridge the gap in what you feel you are missing.
No savior here, a simple partner in adventure.

- Sleeps

Tone

Benefit skewed by the belief
My questionable nature quietened her to a pause.
Not sure how to take me she smiles and carries on
'We can't all find someone to love' she states with a hint of regret.
Before I could reply she spits out 'I know, we have to love ourself first' with what I could only interpret as distain but was not so sure I could be sure about this girl anymore.
People with awareness of their own folly always have both fascinated and eluded me.
'We can't all love Jesus' I said
To which she directly responded
'We can't all be smart', with a tone of genius I would've never had expected.
I laughed and i told her i was quoting Todd Mckenzie with;
'The only advantage of being smart is that you can act dumb'
She chuckled, 'I wish I could get to know you better but concerned you'd change me more than I would you...'
'I'm not so sure about that.' I replied.
Sarcastically and with her hands in the air 'please do change me!'
'I already have' I bow like a magician would and vanish.

An hour later she grabs me at the bar, kisses me on the lips and gently touches my face, her palm moving down my beard then lifting to leave just the delicate touch of her fingers...
'Now I've changed you'

- Sleeps

Object

Come on girl, show me an object
But don't tell me it's beauty
This is the season for two
And I'm hurting just like you
... So please make me smile
As its always the other way around
And now I'm down
(You know I'm down)

- Sleeps