Note's and comments will not, by any means, encompass what we mean to 'say' nor the complexity in which we feel, yet like "apes banging kettles" to communicate we explore the forms until we feel content. Such is this 'blog'. I suppose sometimes my preferred form is silence... and time, which i have found to be the most fascinating since everything can reside within the combination.
Nanny, you were my link to the past. A past in which i never knew but was brought to both life and context. History books on the war were like tales of Narnia, until you described the action of "hugging the floor" followed by the reasons why. My Father was somewhat of a rumour in many ways until you began to shed light on his character, kind spirit and looks. The link was shattered a bit when granddad passed and with it some family bonds too... You were the glue and in your weakened state, arguably gaps could begin to be observed. We could scream for consistency and security but only fools believe things will always remain the same.
You were a link to affection, teaching me you're never too old for it. Seeing some forms may be more well received than others by a teenage boy, even if it was the remnance of a childhood fondness for back rubs. For also having such a welcome home for any girlfriends i may have been seeing and for such honest feedback on them when i was back home. I laughed out loud so hard the way you didn't like one of them.
I'd like to think of your passing as a good thing and hope it is gentle release from the madness, confusion and uncomfort that surrounded you in the last period of your life. I will not waste time nor try comfort myself through assuming your next steps, but shall reflect, cherish & honor every moment having spent with you in person, in communication or in thought as i do today. Much love and respect for all that you were and all that did to pioneer this family. x
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