Make up

She called me a prick for not making a move on her.
She doesn't want me she just wants me on the list of those she's rejected and pushed away.
She's getting prettier by the minute. Make up's an amazing thing.
The day they invent make up for the soul I will kill myself.

Hightened emotions and anger management. The nature of the natural has been forgotten and I'm stupidily trying to look at the most "appropriate" time to revert.

Pace

I was walking the stairs behind a slower pace guy and getting annoyed at the idiot.
What was his problem hasn't he got anywhere to be!?
We reach the top and I can finally make my own pace.
I then stop and had to ask myself what the hell my problem is.


- Sleeps

enjoyment.focus.reason.

enjoyment.focus.reason.
i could go mad in this room.
I see myself talking to myself for hours.
This empty room. i don't speak aloud as i'm not keen on the slight echoed sound.
rocking in a stable chair.
rehearsing my goodbyes to those i like and have done good for me.
Its so intriguing to see myself interested in people. the expressions that switch on when i see them. i acknowledge it and even feel it i think. but the doubt nulls the emotion. so i suppose thats my next victim…. or perhaps i'm just waiting for the happiness to be my own.
The child my own creation.
the relationship my own struggle.
The life my own victory.
People seem to find life hard but relationships relatively easy
i'm just the opposite. life's the easy part. but on quiet reflection as much as i'm hesitant to admit… i have relations. and i owe them more that my life is worth.
Todd Mckenzie once said - "The only advantage of being smart is that you can act dumb"
I'm beginning to think cowards act dumb.
As much as you think you know more than others does not change the fact that you're afraid you will be alone for being you.

Blame

If everyone were perfect there'd be no such thing as relationships.
I love it when my heart beats.
In retrospect I think the leaps of progression were made when...
Well let me put it this way:
You don't seem to take responsibility for what you've done for the purposes of reconsiliation or progression but instead what you are very good at and focused on is blaming yourself for things you've done. For the purposes of what, you should ask. Or should you ask...? Self pity? Self destruction or 'hatred'? Ah man the word 'hatred' is a whole other matter hahaha.
It takes a long time to see the pointlessness in blame. It's shocking to the point of smiling how irrelivant blame is when you commit to a positive, constructive life.

"Don't forgive and forget, except and move on" - regardless of whether it takes you away or toward those you were to blame

So in this sense I suppose the word 'blame' could be used to the describe the masochistic tendencies of a person regardless of whether it's self blame or pointing the finger at others it still only damages yourself.


- Sleeps

Death to your kingdom

Things are never perfect. Nor the way I'd like them to be. And it really really does hurt to care for people sometimes.
The closer I get the more I realized why I had once run away. But I whispered a promise to you in a noisy world and pledged my duty. No other task is more important to me anymore.

You have not forgotten how to love yourself you simply don't know how to. And all those wise words which held me back were the most ingenious defences I've seen in a person. And I thought I was clever. So the mother has died and so may the child (but what of the child's child?). You can always change your name to create another step between you and people but only at great risk of further confusion to yourself. I want you to know there's more out there. I've seen it. First hand I've seen it. So much more.

Once was, now am

You know where you end up when taking the usual steps. It's up to you to whether or not you do... Even if it means standing in the same place for a while before taking an alternative.

I personally have violent and aggressive tendancies toward that thing that calls itself "myself" so it no longer dares to send panic attacks my way. A necessary evil toward it and myself to stop allowing it to hurt others and my actual self.

I scan the crowd wondering how you could dissapear so easy.

I brought Death to my Kingdom and from the ashes and corpse's grew a purified experience and thoughts. My perception and decisions brought me... Away from there.

I'm not a blunt instrument. I know where I ended up allowing things out of my control to get to me and will not allow it again.

- Sleeps

Reception

He felt kind of empty when she said they hardly knew each other as he always thought she knew him better than anyone else in the world... So what does that say about him?

His ideas of love either matured or dulled. He still deeply beleived in it just thought being in love was infactuation when love itself was based on a profound friendship along with duty.

But he's glad this place is noisy as hell. He couldn't take listening to any of them so fuck it walk the long route home and wave his hand like a wand.

He wishes he could connect with her... But the reception is shit

- Sleeps

metallic skin and soft claws

the sunlight reflects, warms my skin and burns my heart
i slip into this obsessive creature and forget all others around me
i know too many words will shut you down
i know starvation will cause bite marks on my arm
... I eventually give up inside and my soul speaks for itself. i am not fluent in its language but sure it is urging its love
i like our dirty history, it gives us grit. metallic skin and soft claws
i shake my head and try to forget it, got work to do...
i do not wish for anything anymore, just smile and feel privileged to see you