Silence

3.58am
I need silence.
Quiet is no longer good enough.
I hear the fridge hum in the kitchen, my heart beat through my ear on the pillow, the 'shhh' and russell of moving my head to adjust and now suddenly I am wide awake.
Re think the day, events and my actions
Now the sound of my thoughts...
I do not remember silence
Silence of thought... I guess that's why they meditate
How easy to ruin a chance
How easy to make noise
How easy to be here
I now think of being there with out of character words and desires
To be someone else only to find it is still me, just not my pre-conceived version I thought I always would be

Am I awake?

- Sleeps